Why is it that failure hurts so bad? Disappointment cuts deep into the heart’s flesh.

I’m feeling some loss this week. Feeling some frustration and disappointment.

Why does everything have to be so hard? Every.thing. Or so it feels like.

I fathom a guess I feel it so deeply because I pour so much of myself into everything I do. I garden, I cook, I create, I mother with such a deep passion that when things go wrong I feel such loss.

The bugs have discovered my garden this week. As if it wasn’t having enough problems as it was. First, the attack of the cucumber beetles wiped out my two cucumber plants and then moved to everything else. Then I discovered hornworms on my tomato plants. Then the squash beetles are devastating my squash and zucchini plants. I almost cry as I type this because I realize I have so much to learn to try to figure out how to deal with these issues. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking. I wish it were just easy. Just simple. I am out there twice a day squishing bugs and crying out for insight on how to deal with this. I am believing for a revelation. If only the corn was tasty to the bugs…

My new sourdough starter molded. /cry/

I yelled at my kids.

I miserably failed dinner tonight. I cried. A lot. Thankfully, hubby picked up some fried chicken on the way home.

There is just something about failing…makes me angry. But it also makes me determined. I don’t give up easily. “A Thousand Times I’ve Failed, but Your Mercy Remains…”

It doesn’t come easy…gardens, dinners, child rearing. It’s all hard and I fail. If I didn’t fail, then success wouldn’t ever taste so sweet. The few zucchini that I have gotten and the two or three mottled cucumbers have been savored with such love. I love things. But with love comes loss. It’s worth it. Everytime.

But it still hurts to fail.

Thank you God, whose beauty never fails…whose Mercy never fails…whose Love never fails…

Promises.

photo (10)

Erica

 

Failing
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4 thoughts on “Failing

  • August 5, 2013 at 8:44 pm
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    Beautifully said friend. You are an inspiration to me.;-)

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  • August 5, 2013 at 9:35 pm
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    I sorry…and I know how you feel, we work so hard to grow something worthwhile! My beautiful Roma tomatoes ended up getting the blight, but I was able to get enough off the vines two weeks ago to make 7 quarts of salsa. The borers started eating my cabbage…the outer leaves, I was able to peel away several layers to find it eatable..small heads, but still good enough to make 4 quarts of sauerkraut. The Japanese Beetles have destroyed my grape vines! But the funny thing is….my jalepino (sp?) peppers haven’t been touched by anything, but me!!! LOL! Guess those little critters don’t like the hot stuff! Keep your chin up Erica, there will be days like that! You are an inspiration to a lot of us! God Bless You and your garden! Carolyn

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    • August 6, 2013 at 6:59 am
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      Thanks Carolyn!! I tried making an organic insecticide using cayenne peppers, garlic and onions…I think you are right about the hot peppers! Maybe I should just start a hot pepper garden to make myself feel better! Hahah!

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  • August 9, 2013 at 9:30 am
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    Oh sweetie, I know the feeling! it hurts so bad! But you are brilliant and so determined. Just reminds me of what Jesus must have felt when near the end he came into the city and said, “oh Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing!” Ouch! His whole life was given to this one cause and not that many “got” it! Wow, jesus can identify with disappointment and frustration for sure.

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