Why is it that failure hurts so bad? Disappointment cuts deep into the heart’s flesh.
I’m feeling some loss this week. Feeling some frustration and disappointment.
Why does everything have to be so hard? Every.thing. Or so it feels like.
I fathom a guess I feel it so deeply because I pour so much of myself into everything I do. I garden, I cook, I create, I mother with such a deep passion that when things go wrong I feel such loss.
The bugs have discovered my garden this week. As if it wasn’t having enough problems as it was. First, the attack of the cucumber beetles wiped out my two cucumber plants and then moved to everything else. Then I discovered hornworms on my tomato plants. Then the squash beetles are devastating my squash and zucchini plants. I almost cry as I type this because I realize I have so much to learn to try to figure out how to deal with these issues. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking. I wish it were just easy. Just simple. I am out there twice a day squishing bugs and crying out for insight on how to deal with this. I am believing for a revelation. If only the corn was tasty to the bugs…
My new sourdough starter molded. /cry/
I yelled at my kids.
I miserably failed dinner tonight. I cried. A lot. Thankfully, hubby picked up some fried chicken on the way home.
There is just something about failing…makes me angry. But it also makes me determined. I don’t give up easily. “A Thousand Times I’ve Failed, but Your Mercy Remains…”
It doesn’t come easy…gardens, dinners, child rearing. It’s all hard and I fail. If I didn’t fail, then success wouldn’t ever taste so sweet. The few zucchini that I have gotten and the two or three mottled cucumbers have been savored with such love. I love things. But with love comes loss. It’s worth it. Everytime.
But it still hurts to fail.
Thank you God, whose beauty never fails…whose Mercy never fails…whose Love never fails…